The Worst Feeling Powerlessness

These days, I had a lot of things and problems happened suddenly and continuously.

1. One of my co-workers in MacDonald suddenly disliked me.
Suddenly, I realized that I can feel don't talk to me aura from her, and her facial expression is not soft. I cannot explain that in a language, but something is different.

2. My crush dislikes me.
Today, I realized that she dislikes me. She look at smart phones all the time, and she will never smile back to me. I liked her more than 1 year, so it is fucking hard for me about the truth that she dislikes me. If only I could not realize that. She will never give me attention. She will never look at me. She avoids me. I have to admit that this is a truth.

3. One of my classmates in my animation class dislikes me.
In animation class, I could not stand working with other students in class, so I confessed that I will do work by myself, and it made one of the classmates dislike me.


I have been disliked by people even I do not dislike.

Actually, I was loving them who I was disliked by, and I still love them.

I was fucking confused.

The first thing which came to my mind is that

"Why? Why do people suddenly dislike me?"

"Am I worthless?"

"What is wrong with me?"

"What have I done? I was just expressing myself."

It was very shocking for me, and I could not handle the reality.

Therefore, I went back to a deep-narcissistic moment.

I tried to seduce other women in MacDonald,using tricks, which only made me more miserable and powerless.

I tried to get feeling worth from externals, but not from myself.

It was exactly what a deep narcissists is.

I felt like I will be never loved as who I am.

What to do?

I have to confront the reality and start living again.

I realize the worst feeling of powerlessness comes when I tried to get validation from others and dependent on others to do anything.

I realized every Robert Greene's book is about getting out of the illusion and seeing the reality, what is, nature, Dao, God, whatever people call it.

It is the core of empathy in life.

Only getting out of my imagination and seeing what is, I can get true freedom in life.

Therefore, even though I will have a difficult time from now at work and school, I would like to make this situation an opportunity to be a stronger person.

At school, I will not think what other students will think of me or needing others at all, but learn anything and do the best at any moment.

About my crush, I will forget about her, and about chasing women, and focus on being self-reliant.

Put every attention and focus on things which are in our control.