On Narcissism

Gossips

On Narcissism

"Until you make unconscious conscious, we call it fate. "

Carl Jung

These days, I am kind of interested in the idea of narcissism because of my parents and people around me, and I had being very narcissistic all my life. 

As I started to know the idea of narcissism, I started to see everyone around my life as a narcissists including myself.

"Wait. Am I a narcissist? "

"Are those around us all narcissists?"

Yeah, we are all narcissists and we all love ourselves. We loves it when others listen to our stories and we loves it when our own worth being validated by others. We like others who like what we like. We all want that! We feel great, and worth by the attention from others, admiring us. We are on narcissistic spectrum. We need the self love in order to do anything, especially men. We need the testosterone comes from the belief that we can achieve something and we are worthy in order to do anything in life. The feeling I am the alpha male and I am the strongest is really important for men because if a man accept he is not worthy or flowed, it will make him very miserable and worthless. The feeling is fucking awful. I think being a narcissist is a defense mechanism from feeling worthless. 

There is a strategy and a goal for those who are tend to be narcissists. To be an alpha or feel important, they have to believe that "everyone has to be the worse than me. ", "They are worse, worse, worse,so I am great!"  I think the human nature to constantly compare myself with others is doing something wrong here. It is a disaster for one to only get the sense of worth from comparison and making others down. I do not want to be in such a place. It will make my life miserable.

I think Everyone will be saved by this sentence 

""

 However, what does happens the moment we cannot get validation from others. In childhood, we developed the sense of who I am in order to get validation from myself instead depending on others's validation. When we are not validated by others, we get the sense of worth from the image of our self we created. I think I developed it later in life after reading 7 habits of highly effective people and going abroad to Australia and developing my English skills. I could start to get the sense of who I am and started to learn about myself after developing the self awareness and finding what I am good at. Whatever happens in life, I could count on the sense of self that I could learn English and I have experiences going abroad and surviving in such situations, so whatever happens in life. I believe I can get over anything if I am alive.

In childhood, I think I could not get the sense of who I am from my parent. I think I get it from Steven R Covey. He played as an father role to accept who I am and help me to go through the process of developing myself. Yeah, it was not an easy path, and there was up and down. I started to develop it little by little. I am sure I am still on that process, and I sometimes feel depressed when I feel that anyone does not understand me or in a harsh situation or when I feel rejected by someone I love. However, I can get back to my normal state after some struggle by doing what I love or reading something which inspire me.

However, I realized that a lot of people lack the sense of self inside, failing to go through the process of developing who they are due to what happens in their childhood and life, and to get the sense of self, they need validation from others.

If the symptom become so severe, they will be addicted to the attention they get from others. 

I know how terrible they feel because I sometimes feel that way, too.

I think the deepest cause of this is our social nature.

We, human beings, are social animal by nature, and constantly compare ourselves and others, and we are made to form a hierarchy based on the skills or abilities we have. Once we are in the hierarchy, we have to prove we are alpha and want to be up the hierarchy or we will feel miserable, especially men. The pressure to conform to a group or society is a source of human misery in life. If we are a student or a worker, we conform to a school, a class or a company, and have to behave the way, which are acceptable. The pull of conformity is really strong. If it is too strong, we have to suppress our uniqueness and what make us unique, and start to lose the sense of who we are, and see and worry what others think about us.

This is a quote by Erich Fromm I found in Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automaton, who does not know know or understand himself, and the only person that he knows is the person that he is supposed to be, whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter, and those sense of dull despair has take the place of genuine pain. Two statements may be said concerning this individual. One is that he suffers from defects of spontaneity and individuality which may seem to be incurable. At the same time it may be said of him he does not differ essentially from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earth.

How strong is social thinking have to our emotional well being and our life. Once we conform to the society, we constantly think about how others see us, not who truly we are and what the reality is. 

If we think deeply and critically, it is obvious that how others treat us will never change who we are because you are unique and special because you are different at DNA, experiences, and influences in life. And, you have no need to compare yourself with others.  Here, We need a big paradigm shit in our life to start living our life and be a healthy narcissist.

How to deal with the narcissists
We are all narcissist, but we are on some where on the narcissistic spectrum. We should not deny our narcissistic tendency. However, if the symptoms of narcissists become very sever, it starts to make problems around the world. Those who get attention or feeling of worth only from making conflict and getting attention from others, using them just to get feeling of worth. Robert Greene strongly claimed that they can not get out of that after certain age between 20 and 30.

I think there are so many people who get hurt in relationships with deep narcissists, and wanna revenge them or wanna them hurt by using certain tricks. There are so many video in YouTube like that.

However, I wanna approach them differently. See the deep narcissists as who they are. I think this strategies can be used to everyone not to narcissists.

1. See narcissists as human beings.
As Robert Greene said in a interview

“Unfortunately, we are human beings.”

We have human natures, and some of us are deeply influenced by relationships with our parents.
Deep narcissists are not something good or bad, but a natural phenomena, which is deeply related to their relationships with their parents. Maybe they are immeshed by their parents or they did not get enough attention because their parents were also deep narcissists.

How to be a healthy narcissist.  

Face the reality, not what we want to believe.

When I was a high school student, I read the book "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.", Which changed my life. The author, Steven R.Covey, taught me very important lessons to be a effective person, and live effectively. 

Habit1: Be proactive

Habit2: Begin with an end in mind 

Habit3: Put first things first

Habit4: Think win-win

Habit5: Seek first to understand and then to be understood

Habit6: Synergize 

Habit7: Sharpen the saw 

These ideas are based on the reality, and very useful to be independent and have good relationships with others. I need to study the book over and over again to master it. It is really valuable. What he is saying is good and fine, and I viewed the life full of hope. 

Then, I started to read Robert Greene. 

From learning from mistakes On Love

I tend to fall in love with those women who are obsessed with their appearance, narcissistic women, and when I am in love, I started to something for her like muscle training or being the best man in the world and so on, believing she is the best in the world.

However,  I realized by communicating with real women in life, and some of them are obsessed with her appearance. I do not fall in love with them at all. I do not feel attracted.

From learning mistakes Be self-reliant

Hi.

I have confronted some of the harsh reality in my life.

1. Women do not like who you are, but they like you because men are beneficial to them.
Men will never be loved as they are.

Therefore, it is foolish to seek that validation to women, but get that validation from yourself, never seek that from others.

I am OK without anyone’s validation.


I am who I am and no one can judge that, just live the way you wanna live.

I understood and realized that it is the worst to live the life expecting others to do something for me or upset because others do not do what I expected to do.

Depending on others like a child is fucking the worst things I can do in life.

Be-self-reliant

It is also torture and not good for others to be forced to be what I am expected. Others do not understand what I want.

And, I just seek for others to fill that!! How foolish I am!?!? No one can do that.

Only God can do that, and we are human beings. See them as an human animal, which full of shits in character, not a perfect god which can see through you, and accept you as who you are.

The Greatest in Life

"Reality is my drug. The more I have of it, the more power and higher I feel." 

50 cents 

The greatest thing in life is not to get romantic love, have sex with as many women as possible, getting attention or earning money.

The greatest thing in life is to learn about the world and be rational.

One of my first goal in life will be master my emotional self.

Human comedy

Steven R. Covey taught me to be a good human being.

However, I still failed in relationships and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and on and on and on.

I seek others too much.

Too much.

I tried to change the world as it is and tried to control as it should be.

Then,I am retched. 

Learn about the world little by little

Make mistakes over and over and over again

At last, don't take this fucking human relations and life seriously.

It is outside of your control.

It is nothing to you.

Just live life and observe this absurd world

Never try to change the reality, but live as it is

Inside suffering

Life is a suffering.

I am disliked by many women.

I tried to seduce them, thinking that make me powerful.

However, it is not true.

I was hated because I failed to meet their expectation.

Everyone is governed by self-interest. They wanna talk about themselves.

and they wanna their self-worth validated.

People want their self worth and importance conformed.

It is nothing wrong with that.

It is a human nature.

Accept that.

We want to be around those who are similar to us.

We wanna be with others because they are beneficial to us because they feel conformable.

Accept the truth because it is our human nature.

Be observed in the world.

To get along with the world

First to understand and then be understood.

Failure of Seduction and overcoming them

Seduction is telling others how much they are worth and they are unique.

I knew that what it is, but I could not practice it enough.

I was so self-observed, and I could not see the reality.

It is not about making others like you, but feel others worth and powerful.

Being observed in the world.

I was a moth, but a frame.

I failed seduction because I thought about what I want from others.

Be the frame, not the moth.

To be a frame, Think about What others want from you.

Even though so much self-observed people, I think one of the greatest belief a seducer should have is never accept any return from others.

It is a bee to a flower. 

Action that matters that I made them feel powerful and worth, as an unique human being.

The Worst Feeling Powerlessness

These days, I had a lot of things and problems happened suddenly and continuously.

1. One of my co-workers in MacDonald suddenly disliked me.
Suddenly, I realized that I can feel don't talk to me aura from her, and her facial expression is not soft. I cannot explain that in a language, but something is different.

2. My crush dislikes me.
Today, I realized that she dislikes me. She look at smart phones all the time, and she will never smile back to me. I liked her more than 1 year, so it is fucking hard for me about the truth that she dislikes me. If only I could not realize that. She will never give me attention. She will never look at me. She avoids me. I have to admit that this is a truth.

3. One of my classmates in my animation class dislikes me.
In animation class, I could not stand working with other students in class, so I confessed that I will do work by myself, and it made one of the classmates dislike me.


I have been disliked by people even I do not dislike.

Actually, I was loving them who I was disliked by, and I still love them.

I was fucking confused.

The first thing which came to my mind is that

"Why? Why do people suddenly dislike me?"

"Am I worthless?"

"What is wrong with me?"

"What have I done? I was just expressing myself."

It was very shocking for me, and I could not handle the reality.

Therefore, I went back to a deep-narcissistic moment.

I tried to seduce other women in MacDonald,using tricks, which only made me more miserable and powerless.

I tried to get feeling worth from externals, but not from myself.

It was exactly what a deep narcissists is.

I felt like I will be never loved as who I am.

What to do?

I have to confront the reality and start living again.

I realize the worst feeling of powerlessness comes when I tried to get validation from others and dependent on others to do anything.

I realized every Robert Greene's book is about getting out of the illusion and seeing the reality, what is, nature, Dao, God, whatever people call it.

It is the core of empathy in life.

Only getting out of my imagination and seeing what is, I can get true freedom in life.

Therefore, even though I will have a difficult time from now at work and school, I would like to make this situation an opportunity to be a stronger person.

At school, I will not think what other students will think of me or needing others at all, but learn anything and do the best at any moment.

About my crush, I will forget about her, and about chasing women, and focus on being self-reliant.

Put every attention and focus on things which are in our control. 

The core of deep relationships

Hi.

I had a very difficult time these days.

I had a revelation there days, so I have to write everything down to be a better person.

In an animation class, I meant that I make an animation work with other two members.

I had something I wanted to make, ideas and desires, and I could not stand other members influence to my work and my life.

One of the members talk about the work we are making to other students, which I could not stand.

I remember One of them talk behind others back so that I can imagine he will do that.

I could not stand that I went down to narcissism. I could not trust anyone.

I just stand what I stand for. I do not think they are wrong, but I think I do not want to be friends like that.-

This is not the skill to make others like you or that.

Anyway, relationships are two way around.

Understand and be understood, and understand and be understood, and back and forth.

How much they are worth.

The Ultimate Goal in Life

"The Ultimate Goal in Life is to be unrepeatable."

Robert Greene

We are human beings, but animals.

We are conscious animals.

There is a space between what happens and how to respond to the situation.

We have unique experiences, parents and DNA. It is very unique to us.

Be careful! Do not take it too personal.

This is a game of life and how to play it.

2019/10/10 Daily Gratitude Journal

1. I am grateful to have today, and be myself and live my life.

2. I am grateful because there is air to breath, and eyes to see, ears to listen, mouth to eat, and my mother, father and brother is alive.

3. I am very grateful for those I respect and those who trust in me, my mother, my father, my brother, Jeff, my grand parents, Robert Greene, Ryan Holiday, Steven R. Covey, 50 cents, and Dale Carnegie, and my ancestors who lived so hard, which leads to my existence, giving me life to live.

My goals today

1. I rejected to do a project with other members because I do not like others talking about the project behind their backs, and I did not like the feeling of dependent on others. I have to learn from Hitchcock about working in project.

2. I will focus on outward. What I want from others, but what others want from us.

3. I will learn about the reality and something new. Be one percent better.

Confront the Reality

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking make it so.

William Shakespeare 

In life, you tend to cling things to be a in a certain way or that even though they are not based on reality. 

For example, in romantic relationships, the feeling of the beginning of the relationship will not last forever. The feeling of any kinds will left to this way or that.

Another reality is that women do not love you who you are, but they will love you because it is beneficial to them. 

There may be a woman who love you as who you are, no matter what happens in your life. It is one of the most beautiful things in life. It is to love others as who they are no matter what happens to the other.

However, basically, people will like you because it is beneficial to them.

People want power, and control in their life, and reproduction. It is deeply input in our brain including myself.

This is a part of human nature. There is nothing wrong with that.

First, to live

second, to get power 

third, to reproduce 

most of human actions are based on these goals.

we cannot complain about this. we have to accept the reality and how to interact with it. There are things outside of our control.

One of the benefits of confronting the reality is that we know the exact map of the reality and think about how to deal wit that.

One of the action is just to accept it and surrender because it is not our control.

I think no one complains about rain when it is raining. Maybe, someone may complain though. 

Yeah, we can complain to the rain, but you will just be frustrated because it is not things in our control.

The life, what is, is constantly changing like waving ocean and you cannot control the life.

One of the my goal of the life is to interact with nature and rewrite my map on reality, and share it with others.

Just live life as you wanted to live, and be with those I wanna be with.

Who I want to be and Who I DO NOT want to be

On Love

Focus Intense Attention Outside